Thursday, December 20, 2012

Radvent Day 15: Self-Perception

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taken in the bathroom at work // monday
Note: This post took me nearly three entire days to write because both Scott & I have been felled by an awful virus that features a stubborn 102 degree fever and "burning crackle lung" as I like to call it. Yep, this has been an unlucky time for illness in our home, but hopefully we're about to banish it for good! Trying to be as kind to ourselves as possible right now. 


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I don't know what it's like to be a man. Do they have the same self-conscious, self-critical person inside, always telling them they aren't "good enough"?   I hate it when people say that men and women are soooooo different, we can't possibly have the same thoughts or insecurities. I've never felt like I fit in with the majority of women on this planet; like we even have the same perspective. But on this ...? I do wonder if other guys flog themselves as I have my entire life, saying that no matter what I do, in some way I am not "good enough." I suppose I do assume it's easier for other people, even though it may not be. I'd love to hear what other people think about this topic.

I honestly don't feel like I'm that terribly self-critical of how I look anymore. I think, to be completely honest, that I've reached a point in my life where I am not trying to impress anyone anymore -- at least not in a bikini or short shorts or anything. Of course I'd like to look good in those things ... for me, and for my husband, but screw what other people think. Maybe this will change, particularly in the future if I become overweight. This definitely is one of my biggest fears. I don't ever want to wake up and realize I have an actual problem with my weight; that I've somehow lost control of my ability to control myself. I know that not all obesity is because of those things, but for me, it would have to be. I think this is one of the things that scares me the most about having children -- that, and the fact that many women seem to not care that they've lost control of their bodies after they have kids. Yeah, so, your kids are important and I surely don't understand that love between a mother and child yet, but ... your health is more important than anything, and why shave years off your life eating badly and carrying around all of that extra weight for years?! My kids will suffer from that, in the end.

Anyway, maybe talk like that defeats the purpose of this post. Other people are totally free to do what they want, but I sure need to be able to respect myself, and I could never respect myself if I decided to not take care of myself in life ... ever again. Because I absolutely know better.  Loving myself means taking care of myself. Does it mean the same for you? Or does it mean giving yourself a hall pass?

Well, I think I may have unintentionally violated the spirit of this post, but so be it!


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I'm participating in Radvent this year via the ever-awesome Princess Lasertron, and you should too!




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