Friday, December 14, 2012

Radvent Day 10: Family

I don't get to spend the holidays with my family this year.

That's OK. I'm actually kind of used to it by now.

My mom, last Thanksgiving
I wish it weren't that way, but it's the way things have to be. None of us have money these last few years, and we've been staying home with Jeffy. Now that Jeffy is gone, normally we'd be able to travel more ... but we're finding ourselves wanting to stick close to home these holidays, because we don't want to be away from the cats, or leave them alone. They need us right now, just as we need them.

All the same ... I haven't seen my mom in more than a year, and that's really sad to me.

The good news is that I just saw my grandma & uncle in October, and my lovely second mom (my mother-in-law) was waiting for me when I got back from that trip. And she's coming to see us in January! So all hope is not lost. I really hope to live closer to my family someday, but for now that is just a dream. It's funny how I spent all of the years 18-25 (ish) trying to distance myself from my family; but in the last few years, all I've felt is an increasing desperation to be closer to them. It's not a want; it's a need.

It's funny -- after I wrote this yesterday, I went on a run and fell and skinned my knees and my hand, and it was all very dramatic. The cool thing is that I didn't even have to explain everything to my mom. When she read about what happened , we spent a good deal of the evening (on the phone and online) discussing all of the times she had done something very similar as a young runner, during my childhood. As much as I really don't like hearing about my mom being in pain, she's a champion faller and serial klutz, and I am totally a chip off the ole block there, if you get my drift. It felt really neat to connect with her on this level. We both have been through the same thing and it wasn't a big deal, it was a shared experience. I love this level of bonding with my mother, even if it was ultimately about having gravel stuck in our skin.

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Closer to home, my little everyday family means everything to me. Scott, the cats and the fish. It was particularly hard when Jeffy died because I am very, very protective of our family unit. We and the cats are very close with each other. It feels very unfair that one of our tribe was taken away from us. Scott and I come from small families, and it's always very felt when someone is missing. I am sure that's the way it is with every family, but with us every loss brings us ever closer to being alone in the world. Maybe this is one of those macabre only-child things? But either way. We're excited to spend the holidays with Zeke & Mogli, as they are the sweetest boys, and we all need each other to be around right now.

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I'm participating in Radvent this year via the ever-awesome Princess Lasertron, and you should too!

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