Wednesday, December 5, 2012

Radvent Day 1: Knowing

I seriously can't believe I forgot about Radvent this year. Well, actually, I guess I can, because Jeffy. But anyway, last year I faithfully followed Radvent and learned a lot about myself, and my blogging, in the process. I'm going to be catching up on entries in the next few days (yay!) so there will be quite a few posts. I'm looking forward to what I learn this year.

the answer my friend, is blowin' in the wind....

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Knowing.

Here are five things I know:
  1. The older I get, the less I know — When I was 18, I sure thought I knew everything. Didn't you? I like to joke that at that age, I knew it all, and I know less every year since ... but the truth is, I'm not joking. I think part of it is losing adolescent arrogance, and that's natural, but I also think that the growing sense of time being short, and of mortality, and knowing without being told that there are certain things we're not in control of, really drives that point home. I know less, in certain ways, than I ever have, and that's not a bad thing. I give myself over to the universe; I am vulnerable. And as anyone who knew me at 18 can tell you, that makes me way more awesome to be around (though, sadly, no less opinionated). 
  2. Love is all you need — I truly believe that love is the most important thing in the world. Not just my world, but every world. Something the last few years have taught me is just how many limitless forms love comes in. "Another thing I often say is that there are as many types of love as there are people to think of them." I believe this to my core. Love is the one thing that we, as humans, cannot live without (at least without major regret). Everyone loves someone. Everyone loves something. Everyone has people who love them (even the worst people). Love makes everything else possible for us. If your heart is hard, open it.
  3. Whether you want it to or not, time heals all wounds — This can be a hard pill to swallow. We don't want to think that the worst of our pains will heal with time. The truth is? They do. Not that you will ever be the same (I know that I will never be the same after the hardships I've endured) and yes, sometimes it seems unbearable, but time is a master healer. This can be comforting, or it can be frightening (or both, and often at the same time!), but ultimately, time wants us to heal. Knowing this doesn't necessarily make one feel better at first. But going through this again just last week has reminded me of what a comfort time can be, dulling the sharp edges of our fiercest grief/fear/sadness, allowing us to go on.
  4. The one thing we don't have in life is time — Time to waste on things that simply don't matter. It's not worth it! When my father died in May 2003, it was the world's most awful wake-up call. Not only did my father only have 51 years in his life (surprise!) but there I was, on the verge of adulthood myself (less than a month before my 21st birthday) and I was living a fast, accomplishment-light risk-filled life.  Since then I have been acutely aware of the passage of time, something that has only magnified since I turned 30 earlier this year. I often feel as if I'm in the midst of having a rug pulled out from under me. Days go by as weeks used to; weeks, as months. I grapple with this ever-increasing panic about time, all as I fall prey to the typical human condition of losing track of it. What I know is that time is precious and beyond priceless; yet none of us knows just how much of it we have left. Sobering.
  5. Find your personal therapy — What's your therapist? Note that I don't say who. When my last psychotherapist, the only one I ever thought was fantastic, stopped taking my insurance a few years ago, the only thing I could think was that I needed to find some kind of personal way of working through my issues. I found mine in cooking. I love to cook. I love food, and I love preparing it, and I love thinking about preparing it, and I love eating. But most of all? I love how cathartic cooking is for me. Whatever issues I'm working through in my head (and yes, this includes death), cooking helps heal me, little by little, just by its very nature. I always feel better after going through the Zen-like process of cooking. And yes, the best part is that essentially ... I get to eat my therapist. Every day. Ha! But in all seriousness, I wish that most people had something that they could unconditionally get mental and emotional (not to mention physical) benefits from, as I do with cooking. I call it "my therapy" and not much has ever been more true.


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I'm participating in Radvent this year via the ever-awesome Princess Lasertron, and you should too!

2 comments:

  1. Re #1: I always say "I'm way too old to know everything like I did when I was eighteen."

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    Replies
    1. Love it. It's so true! And yet at the time, we thought the people who told us 'just wait, someday you'll realize you don't know everything' were SO RUDE. ;)

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