Friday, November 30, 2012

A pause for positivity

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it looks like spring, but it was winter
I am so sorry for being so sad and negative on the blog these last few weeks. It has been one of the most difficult periods of my life, and I know I haven't been writing much, but the things I have written have been unpleasant, culminating in the sadness of yesterday's post. I can promise you that I will be talking about these feelings more in the future, because this grief will last a long time. Right now, I'm feeling sad here at work and only want to go home and go to sleep, for instance. But this morning, I was feeling OK, and wanted to compile a list of the nice things the universe has handed me this week.
  • The vanilla soy latte I got at Peet's this morning tastes heavenly. I really needed the vanilla + soy combo in my life this morning, and Peet's did not disappoint! 
  • The warmth and wonderful support of my friends & family & coworkers in the wake of Jeffy's death. I am so grateful for every single message, word, hug. 
  • Last night, Scott & I began the puzzle I bought on our 2011 anniversary trip. It's called Pond Life, and we decided earlier this week that we would begin it after Jeffy died, just to distract us. Last night was spent sorting pieces into quadrants; tonight, we begin to actually do the puzzle! I think it's been 15 years since I did a puzzle....
  • The photo above is part of a series of flower photos I took earlier on the day Jeffy died. I was on my way to get lunch and stopped by the parking lot of a furniture store. I hadn't taken photos in this place in years. It was very cathartic. Again, I knew without knowing, what was coming that night ... all of these photos will always remind me of J. In all ways they are "for him."  I am going to be printing a lot of photos in the next few weeks, and I may include some of the flower shots to go with the ones of him, because to me, they are inextricably linked. These photos, they make me so happy.
  • Simple pleasures: thinking about cooking, and winter veggies, ceramics & home fries. 
  • I've had a really light load at work the last two weeks. I know the universe is looking out for me because of this. Usually I'd have a very heavy workload, but the last two weeks have magically been light. I am at work today but don't have that much to do, and nothing pressing. 
  • It's the weekend. I am so thrilled. That means: ceramics, hanging out with my husband, and having time to mourn properly/put things away/clean and decide where we want Jeffy's urn to live.
Happy Friday, friends. 

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