Runnin' down a dream (with apologies to Tom Petty)

Welp. I'm back in town and now I'm back at work. As most first days back at work are, this one is fraught with angry emails that had to be dealt with by other people while I was gone. I really hate that. I feel so terrible even though the problems that happened were not my fault. Even though they were not my fault, the blame fell on me, and people I do not ever want to inconvenience, were very inconvenienced. I know its easy to blame the person who isn't there, but man, I wish that wouldn't happen.

Anyway, enough about work, and onto more happy things.

Yesterday, on the last day of 10 days off from work, I decided to go running. This in and of itself wasn't too monumental, except that I traveled an hour each way on public transit (just to get halfway across the city) to run at Kezar Stadium.

Kezar Stadium on a foggy afternoon
Disclaimer: I have a weird fascination with tracks. I mean, they should be really boring, but something about them makes running easier for me, and I love being able to tell how far I'm running without the aid of a phone app. Which is good, because all of my apps are messed up right now, so I couldn't track a run with my phone yesterday. Also, Kezar is a historic stadium in SF & I've wanted to run there for quite some time.

My goal was to run 5 miles. I've never run that far solo before (ie, outside of my Sunset Run group), and I've  very much wanted to recently. I'm tired of 5k training runs. Also? I just registered for a 10k next month (The Big Gay 10k), and I better get my butt in gear or else I'm going to be huffing & puffing and very unhappy.

Spoiler alert: I totally ran 5 miles on that track yesterday. And it was so great to finally achieve that! I had plenty of time to battle with my mental demons during the hour I was running, and I realized something I wanted to share here: every time I get to a .25 of another mile, I have a mini mental breakdown. As in, .25 miles, 1.25, 2.25, 3.25 etc. The best way to describe this is to liken it to my disdain for Tuesdays. Tuesdays, to me, are the worst day of the week, because you're already exhausted again after working on Monday, yet Friday isn't even remotely in sight. In other words, Tuesdays can seem totally hopeless. I feel similarly about the first fourth of a mile. You've already been running, but the end of that mile is nowhere in sight. Gradually, over the course of a mile, I am able to mentally build myself back up, and by the time I get to .75, or 1.75, etc, I feel on top of the world again, only to be panicking again by the next .25. It's so silly, right?

I wonder if I am the only one who feels this, or if other runners have a similar neurosis? I'm so curious to find out what other little things runners find are their mental hangups. 

Are you a runner? Tell me how your mind works when you're out on a run!


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