Wednesday, July 18, 2012

"....and in that moment, I swear we were infinite."

― Stephen ChboskyThe Perks of Being a Wallflower
Image credit: actually, I can't find where I got this image. Do you know? Is it yours? Contact me.

I used to think that feeling infinite ended at 30. I know, it sounds silly, doesn't it? But its true. I spent the last 2-3 years of my twenties being terrified of being a real adult, whatever that means. I tried to cram as much activity and wild stuff into a life that had already contained its recommended amount of wild activity, and that was so silly. I think that deep down, I was afraid. I think most people are at that age. But thankfully, my temporary madness turned out to be just that: temporary.

What's really beautiful about having made it to 30 now is that I am simultaneously gripped by the very real--all too real--reality that life is so, so finite (and time moves so fast), as well as the knowledge of exactly how fantastic the road still ahead of me can be, if I just focus my life on the right things and spread my wings and fly. It's an exquisite dichotomy, and most of the time, now, it feels good, and I don't focus on the fear.

I am so glad that all of my fears of feeling grounded, clipped, and restricted after turning 30 were things I made up in my head. There is so much I want to accomplish, and it feels like (mostly) everything I want is still possible. And of course, there's the feeling more in control of life than I did 5 and certainly 10 years ago, and the giving many fewer shits what other people think of me and my life choices ... these are just a few of the perks that I've experienced throughout the turning 30 journey. I can't wait to give even less of a shit about other people's opinions/judgments as I get even older! You may think I'm kidding, but I'm totally not. :P

I know a lot of people who are about to go on this Saturn Return/turning 30 journey right now. I didn't know what my life would be like, or how I would feel once I got to the other side myself, but everyone would tell me that it was so worth it, that I would never want to go back. They were all right.

♥  ♥  ♥  ♥  ♥  ♥


In other news, last night I cut up a bunch of tofu, rubbed Thai chili sauce all over each piece (yes, this took a long time), coated each piece in panko, and fried it up in olive oil. Oh.My.God.So.Good. It was based on this recipe, and I served it over brown rice with a simple salad (lettuce+olive oil+lemon+salt+pepper).

We're trying to work out the details for our anniversary trip next month, and it looks like we'll be going to Lake Tahoe ... a place I've never been in the twelve years I've been in the bay area (yeah, I know). Scott has never been in the summertime, so it will be a new experience all around for us. I have tentatively booked us a place to stay, but there is some drama surrounding it so I will wait to share the details.

Also ... behold, my walk to lunch. It looks very "California" -- especially the one on the right.

3 comments:

  1. I felt the opposite. Life would begin at 30. I thought finally I would have acquired just enough experience and knowledge to know who I was and what I wanted to do, and I could start applying 100% of myself to whatever that was.

    The strangest thing happened: I was right.

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    Replies
    1. I love this. I keep reading it over & over again.

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  2. *happy sigh* That book is amazing, especially that quote.:)

    I'm 23 but I think about turning 30/getting older A LOT because I don't want to be afraid of it, you know? By 30 I plan on being "a woman to be reckoned with" which to me means I've used my time to learn lots and travel lots. It's really encouraging to see a lovely lady like yourself celebrating the land mark instead of bemoaning it.

    Can't wait to see what you accomplish before 40!

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