Friday, December 9, 2011

Radvent day 9: influence





I thought a little too hard about today's challenge. Oops.

List five of your greatest influences:
  1. My parents. I have only come to terms with this one as I've gotten older (and the influence has become undeniable). As an adolescent/young adult I rebelled against everything my parents are, claimed they taught me nothing, that they were just bodies there raising me for 18 years. Of course that was ridiculous. My parents have absolutely been the largest influence on my life, and who I've become, and I think (warning: opinion ahead!) that is true for all of us. I am grateful for my parents more with each passing year now, as the ways in which I am like them become clearer & clearer. I've come to appreciate seeing parts of my parents in myself—especially, of course, my father, who died suddenly when I was 20 and changed the course of the rest of my life forever (I'm not even being dramatic). He lives on in me, and that brings me great comfort.
  2.  My husband.  Scott has empowered me and taught me so much over the last nearly 10 years that we've known each other. He has brought me to the point where I am almost a functional adult, one who tries to be responsible most of the time and follow the path of the Virgo. I have a life history of pursuing Virgos with gusto, probably because I know how much of a swift kick I need most of the time, and Virgos are very very good at putting me in my place/knocking me down a peg/making sure I don't get too lost in the fantasy worlds I construct in my head. Scott loves me so totally and purely. He has taught me what true love, trust, patience, and compassion are. He challenges me to never sell myself short, or to believe there isn't anything I can't do. I honestly would be a fraction of who I am today, without Scott. I am eternally grateful for him.
  3. The universe. All my life I feel I've been getting to know and understand the interconnectedness of all the energy in the universe. The realization of the power of this energy, and how every single little thing is sharing the same energy, is absolutely the closest I've ever come to having faith in a higher power. Every day I feel the ebb & flow, the energy transfer between people & things, and it makes me feel amazing; as if simultaneously aware of how small I am, yet a part of something infinitely large.
  4. Music. I am a highly emotional person, yet I have a tendency to erect walls around my emotions in my head so that they have trouble getting out. This is less than ideal for a variety of reasons, not the least of which is that as someone who considers herself an A++++ communicator, to not be able to express myself is downright scary. Enter music. Music tells me it understands, in a language my heart doesn't fear. It allows me to share that with others and find ways to express how I feel when otherwise I could not, and find connection with other humans more regularly.
  5. The Bene Gesserit Litany Against Fear: From the fantasy novel Dune, the Litany Against Fear has become an important mantra for me in my fight against fear and anxiety. I didn't read Dune until I was 21, but it was at a pivotal point in my life, and it stuck with me. It's been close to the most effective mantra I've ever had when trying to refocus myself away from fear & anxiety:
I must not fear.
Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.
Only I will remain.
 


I do want to have a specific type of influence on the world: I want to inspire people to never be content with following the mainstream, to forge their own paths in a vast universe, and to never assume anything.  

So? What about you? ☆



If you're interested in participating in Radvent, visit Princess Lasertron!


2 comments:

  1. Amber! This is great! I love the part about inspiring and not being mainstream. I don't know why people don't just be themselves. Granted it took me about 22 out of my 23 years to figure that out. I love that you say your father lives in you! I totally understand and believe that same statement. I know my parents live in me and are with me every single moment. They live inside my heart. Thank you so much for sharing! And thank you for reading my blog and leaving me comment love! Sometimes I can't tell if anyone really reads my posts so thank you for posting and commenting! Be Blessed.

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  2. Hey, we Ambers need to stick together! :)

    I am 29 (will be 30 in six months) and I really feel that I'm just now beginning to realize the true value of all that I said -- of being unique, and forging your own path, and accepting who you are ... I mean, I am sure that 10 years from now I will also think that I had nothing figured out now! ;)

    Thank you for sharing with me, too. <3

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